My name is NOT Mommy!

On the way home from school with my children yesterday after hearing "Mom" "Mommy" "Mom" probably ten times within the first three blocks from the school, I told my children that "my name was is longer Mommy, and that they are no longer allowed to call me Mom, Mommy, Mama or any other derivative of Mother". My son asked me what they were supposed to call me and I said "Cyndi, that is my name right." So my 6 year old daughter starts in with a chorus of "Cyndi's!" :)

Isn't it strange how when you become a parent you are no longer you? You are "(Insert child's name)'s Mom or Dad. I can't count how many times I've been addressed as "Oh you're Tucker's Mom!" For the most part I am OK with it. Being a mom is part of my identity, but it's not who I am!

I have struggled with this and I still am. I love being a mom, I love being a wife, but I don't want that to be all that I am. I want to be more, I want to be able to love myself as much as I love my kids and husband. 

Have you ever made a list of what you love most in this world? 

It usually starts with "my kids" or "my Husband" I know my list does. 

But really if I don't love myself how can I truly love anyone else?

I do love my kids and I do love my husband but I honestly have to admit that I struggle with how much I like them some times! 

There have been times that I really wonder what my life would have been like if I had been "normal", OK well more normal than I was. If I had parents who parented me, if I had stayed in High school and gone to College. Would I be happy? 

Well I can "what if" all I want to but I do know that I am happy, really I am! I am happy with almost every aspect of my life. The only thing I want to change is me and I think that may just be the hardest thing to try to change. 

I guess the only problem is I don't know who I am . . . some where in the midst of being Mom, Wife, Cook, Maid, Launderer, Secretary, Financial assistant, and Chauffeur I have lost the glamorous woman I once was and hope to again be. 

I know many women have a bit of an identity crisis after having children and it usually results in sweatpants, tee shirts, flip flops, or god forbid slippers!, ponytails and naked faces. I have been there, but I am so over it! Not only do I want my husband to look at me and have to say out loud "DAMN!" I want to be able to look in the mirror and do it too!  

OK, enough talk about what I need to do. . . lets talk about how I'm going to do it! :)

When I met my husband I was 16 years old, 5' 1" tall and about 160 lbs. I was not stick skinny and I had battled my weight for most of my life. I thought I was so fat for awhile, now I look back and think ugh if only I could look like that again!! At the point I met him I was OK with my body, I had made peace with the fact that I was not a size 0 (which was all the rage in 2001) and would never be. 

Our wedding day!

After 7 years and two kids I got married in a size 16 wedding dress that I lost 30 lbs to wear! I loved it and was so happy and proud of myself! I guess I felt very comfortable in my marriage because by the time I got pregnant two years later I had gained almost the whole 30 lbs back! :(  I got lucky because I didn't gain even an ounce in the entire pregnancy! But in the last 20 months since baby three was born I've gained over ten pounds! 

I think part of this is that I don't care enough about myself to pay attention to what I eat and how much exercise I get. I've been focused on my family more than myself. 

So I've done all this before, I've set goals for myself, I've kept journals, I've dieted, I've exercised, and it's worked but I have always fallen back into worrying more about my family than me. . .well NOT this time!

This time I'm gonna be selfish! I'm going to take the time for myself! I am going to be honest with myself and hold myself accountable through this blog!

So Week 1 change: Drink more water! I have a 24oz water bottle that I will drink at least four bottles of water a day. NO SODA! I will have my coffee in the morning (I couldn't do anything without it!) But only water after that!

My name is Cyndi, today I am 27 years old I am 5' 1" tall and weigh . . . (Ugh yep I'm gonna do it!) 246lbs

I am a mom but that is NOT my name!

Wish me luck. . .

~Cyn

30 by 30

I recently figured out that there are so many thing's I wanted to do before I turned 30 and well, it's only two years away!! I know scary! lol

So here is my list of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30:

1.       Start a blog/vlog  :)

2.       Get a passport and get a stamp on it

3.       Ride on an airplane

4.       Make my business successful

5.      Learn how to drive a motorcycle

6.       Adopted an accent for an entire day {hopefully with a friend}

7.       Learn another language fluently

8.       Get back to my pre-babies weight

9.       Adopt  a Doodle

10.   Fire a gun

11.   Read Jane Austen “Sense and Sensibility”

12.   Read Homer “The Iliad and the Odyssey”

13.   Read Charles Dickens’ “A tale of two cities”

14.   Read Charlotte Bronte “Jane Erye”

15.   Read Emily Bronte “Wuthering Heights”

16.   Read Stephen Crane “The Red Badge of Courage”

17.   Read George Orwell “1984”

18.   Read John Steinbeck “ The Grapes of Wrath”

19.   Read Harper Lee “To kill a mocking bird”

20.   Read Ernest Hemmingway “ The Old Man and the Sea”

21.   See the movie Gone with the Wind

22.   See the movie Casablanca

23.   See the movie Ben Hur

24.   See the movie Guess who’s coming to dinner

25.   Go camping for a week straight

26.   Teach one of my children how to sew

27.   Take my son to a Monster Truck Rally

28.   Take my daughter to get a professional manicure/pedicure

29.    Dance with my Husband in public

30.   Think to myself that I am living my dream

I know some of the things on my list are quite mundane to some but this is my list so :P! 

I didn't finish High School (I got my GED at 16 and dropped out) so I missed out on many of the classics and I really want to read them, as well as the movies, classics that I feel are musts! 

Wish me luck!

~ Cyn

Introducing. . .Mommy!!

Well I guess I should start off with telling you a little bit about who I am. . .

Me at 16 (I think) At a Halloween
Party That I made that dress for!

My name is Cyndi, I am 27 years old, I have three amazing (yet sometimes frustrating) children. I guess you could say am married to my "high school sweetheart" even though we did not meet in High school (who is as equally as amazing and frustrating as the kiddos). We have been together since we were 16 years old and had our first baby at 18 (barely). We had our second child at 20, got married at 23, and had baby number three at 26. So needless to say I gave up my twenties to motherhood. I didn't get to go out with my friends, I didn't get to go to college (not a traditional one anyway). I didn't get to travel the world, I didn't get to go to Vegas for my bachelorette party. I DID get to feel the unconditional love of my children, I DID get to marry my soul mate, and I am thankful every day for having them in my life. But in the almost ten years that I have been a mother I have lost myself in many ways.
When I was younger (yep I know just how bad that sounds!) I was a very free spirited, crazy girl who didn't care what anyone thought of me as long as I liked how I dressed, how I did my make up, as long as I was having fun and loving my life. I smoked, I drank and I'll admit I did drugs and this got me in trouble once or twice, but I was also a young kid and I think the one of the best ways to learn is to make mistakes!

I've grown up a lot in the last ten years, I stopped doing drugs when I found out I was pregnant with my son (I had a miscarriage before him and always thought it was because I didn't stop) I don't drink much, I'll tell you my 21st Birthday SUCKED!! It was awful none of my friends showed up, my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I went out had a couple drinks and went home to our kids! I quit smoking cigarettes in April of 2010 because it was literally killing my baby, she was born two weeks later at 4lbs 10oz 6 weeks early. Olivia spent 16 days in the NICU and I credit her for saving my life! Really I think all of my children saved me in some way or another, my son, Tucker, saved me because if it weren't for him I'd either be in Jail or so messed up on drugs I wouldn't have a life. My oldest daughter Lillian,(Lilli) was born with a congenital heart defect and had open heart surgery at three months old. She was 6lbs 7oz when they took her into surgery. Before her I think I took my life for granted, like I would always have everything I had, my son, my husband (boyfriend at the time), my life in general, and she brought me back down to earth. If you have never had to deal with handing your child over for a major surgery, knowing that you may never see her/him again, it's quite humbling! She had open heart surgery on April 20th of 2005 and is now a healthy, quirky almost seven year old. We still have to monitor her heart but she's doing very well! They have definitely made my life more interesting and I wouldn't give them up for anything!  

In the process of stepping into the role of Mommy I lost all the things I loved about MYSELF and if we can't love ourselves can we really love anyone else? So I have decided that it's about time to get ME back! This blog will chronicle that and many other things.


Me in not so many words:
Name: Cynthia {But my friends call me Cyn}
Age: 27
Residence: Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Occupation: Photographer (Owner of Cynthia Anderson Imagery www.cynthiaandersonimagery.com)
Status: Married
Children: 3 kiddos 9yrs, almost 7yrs and almost 2yrs
Favorite color: Yellow
Cats or dogs? BOTH :) {Have two cats right now though}
Favorite Food: Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara
I love Olive Garden
I love Rasberry Iced Tea (Especially Arizona!)
I have purple hair (Well some of it)
I have tattoos
I have piercings
I would rather DIY than buy something
I'm pretty sure I have ADHD :)
I am a member of the PTA
I love high heels
I love all things Vintage
I want a Volkswagen Van and Beetle one day! (Yellow of course)
I love my Children
I love my husband
I want to love myself!

~Cyn