Isn't it strange how when you become a parent you are no longer you? You are "(Insert child's name)'s Mom or Dad. I can't count how many times I've been addressed as "Oh you're Tucker's Mom!" For the most part I am OK with it. Being a mom is part of my identity, but it's not who I am!
I have struggled with this and I still am. I love being a mom, I love being a wife, but I don't want that to be all that I am. I want to be more, I want to be able to love myself as much as I love my kids and husband.
Have you ever made a list of what you love most in this world?
It usually starts with "my kids" or "my Husband" I know my list does.
But really if I don't love myself how can I truly love anyone else?
I do love my kids and I do love my husband but I honestly have to admit that I struggle with how much I like them some times!
There have been times that I really wonder what my life would have been like if I had been "normal", OK well more normal than I was. If I had parents who parented me, if I had stayed in High school and gone to College. Would I be happy?
Well I can "what if" all I want to but I do know that I am happy, really I am! I am happy with almost every aspect of my life. The only thing I want to change is me and I think that may just be the hardest thing to try to change.
I guess the only problem is I don't know who I am . . . some where in the midst of being Mom, Wife, Cook, Maid, Launderer, Secretary, Financial assistant, and Chauffeur I have lost the glamorous woman I once was and hope to again be.
I know many women have a bit of an identity crisis after having children and it usually results in sweatpants, tee shirts, flip flops, or god forbid slippers!, ponytails and naked faces. I have been there, but I am so over it! Not only do I want my husband to look at me and have to say out loud "DAMN!" I want to be able to look in the mirror and do it too!
OK, enough talk about what I need to do. . . lets talk about how I'm going to do it! :)
When I met my husband I was 16 years old, 5' 1" tall and about 160 lbs. I was not stick skinny and I had battled my weight for most of my life. I thought I was so fat for awhile, now I look back and think ugh if only I could look like that again!! At the point I met him I was OK with my body, I had made peace with the fact that I was not a size 0 (which was all the rage in 2001) and would never be.
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| Our wedding day! |
After 7 years and two kids I got married in a size 16 wedding dress that I lost 30 lbs to wear! I loved it and was so happy and proud of myself! I guess I felt very comfortable in my marriage because by the time I got pregnant two years later I had gained almost the whole 30 lbs back! :( I got lucky because I didn't gain even an ounce in the entire pregnancy! But in the last 20 months since baby three was born I've gained over ten pounds!
I think part of this is that I don't care enough about myself to pay attention to what I eat and how much exercise I get. I've been focused on my family more than myself.
So I've done all this before, I've set goals for myself, I've kept journals, I've dieted, I've exercised, and it's worked but I have always fallen back into worrying more about my family than me. . .well NOT this time!
This time I'm gonna be selfish! I'm going to take the time for myself! I am going to be honest with myself and hold myself accountable through this blog!
So Week 1 change: Drink more water! I have a 24oz water bottle that I will drink at least four bottles of water a day. NO SODA! I will have my coffee in the morning (I couldn't do anything without it!) But only water after that!
My name is Cyndi, today I am 27 years old I am 5' 1" tall and weigh . . . (Ugh yep I'm gonna do it!) 246lbs
I am a mom but that is NOT my name!
Wish me luck. . .
~Cyn
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